9.16.10

It's almost 1230 am. I can't bring myself to go to sleep. But I'm just sitting here on the couch in our dark room, thinking. I'm so thankful that Christ saved me. I'm a born again believer in Christ. But I still struggle.

Christians should be open about their struggles to other believers, to get help and also realize that others go through it as well. I struggle with lust issues. As do most guys probably. But I really do, and it's difficult, especially on a large campus with many women walking around. I'm often forced to stare at the ground or off into the distance to keep myself from looking.

Tonight, me and my roommates watched John Piper's video about making war. We don't go to hell because of Satan, we go to hell because of OUR sin. We are the ones that sin, its in our nature. I need to take my mind captive for the glory of Christ, and make war on my flesh and sin. Satan can tempt, but he doesn't have nearly the kind of power that our flesh has. And its scary.

I will admit that I'm scared to death of getting engaged and getting married. Like I really really want to find the right woman to spend the rest of my life with, but I'm scared as anything. I'm afraid that my mind will give in to lust and I might end up cheating on my wife, whether it be actual, or even in my head. It's the single thing that is scaring the life out of me when it comes to relationships and eventual marriage.

But I'm desperately trying to keep my mind clean and make war on my sinful nature. We all struggle, but do we do something about it?

Better days

And you asked me what I want this year
and I try to make this kind and clear
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
'cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
and designer love and empty things
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words and sing out loud
'cause everyone is forgiven now
'cause tonight's the night the world begins again

Single-minded.

Today at work, a large group of high school age students were waiting around for an hour for a presentation. They were just sitting around everywhere.

I noticed two girls on the bench. They were discussing past relationships that they had, and complaining about other ones. I don't know why, but it hit me that the only thing that young people mostly care about and strive for, is relationships. Including myself. I'll be the first to say that its been an obstacle for me.

But it suddenly frustrated me that relationships have been my pursuit, and constantly on my mind. I'm sure its on a lot of young people's mind, because that's all our generation does...they live for dating and sex and relationships.

All I've done is strive for a relationship. Maybe I'm going in the wrong direction, or at least with the wrong motive.

i listened to a sermon yesterday. Matt C. said,

"In a relational pursuit of Jesus Christ, in a single-minded devotion to a relationship with Jesus Christ, not only is the Law fulfilled, but a greater ethic actually takes its place. Let’s say I am a single young man, single-mindedly devoted to Jesus Christ and I’ve got my eye open and in my crew a beautiful young woman enters the frame. We get to know each other, and it becomes evident that when I’m around this girl my affections are stirred for Jesus Christ because after all I am single-minded. My affections are stirred for Jesus Christ. Through prayer and conversation with this girl, I begin to sense that she is a part of God’s plan for my sanctification or she is a part of God’s plan to push me even more into the fullness of Jesus Christ."

Maybe what I'm doing wrong is not having a single-minded devotion for a relationship with Christ. I'm not going to strive for relationships anymore, just a single-minded one with Christ, and maybe through that, something else will happen. But whatever happens, I have a relationship with Him. And that's all I should be worried about, everything else will work out according to His plan and timing.

The best news in the world...

The triune God, in perfect harmony and out of an overflow of love, burst forth in creation. One of the things that makes the Christian creation narrative different from all other religions is all other religions believe that the universe was formed because of some power struggle. So the universe was formed because these two gods got in a fight and wrestled and then mountains appeared and the sun was made. So they believe that the universe was birthed our of angst and power and violence. Our
narrative says the universe was created out of an overflow of love, which is why we come to our God like we do. God creates everything in that creative order to have a higher purpose. He creates everything so that when we partake in it, it stirs in us gratitude and worship for His name and His renown, so that nothing terminates on itself but that everything creates worship for Him, because that’s what we were created for. So He creates food and food is supposed to be one of those things that doesn’t just terminate by going into our belly but in that eating we are to be filled with gratitude in the flavors that He’s created, in the abundance that He’s given and the provision that He’s given to us. And out of a simple meal, worship would be born. That out of a man and a woman coming together in marriage, out of that relationship, worship would be born. That out of sex, worship would be born. The purpose behind everything is to create gratitude that flows out of our hearts into worship for His name. Which is why when sin enters the world and fractures that, those things begin to terminate on themselves, which leaves us insatiable because none of that was supposed to terminate on itself. Which is why we can eat and eat and eat and all we want to do eat and eat and eat more. It’s why sex, although pleasurable, doesn’t bring the fulfillment that it was created, the worship it was created for and marriage becomes combative. And on and on and on we go, because everything was designed to have a greater purpose and have a greater flow than it currently does, which sticks us in a level of superficiality that’s frustrating to our souls. Because according to Romans 8, our souls remember what it was like before that happened.

So sin enters the world, pride and idolatry enter the world, it fractures that and our relationship with God is severed so that everything loses its taste. God in His ferocious, holy love comes as a man, Jesus Christ comes as a man and lives perfectly, sinlessly until He is arrested, beaten and murdered. And in His crucifixion, all the requirements of the Law are fulfilled for those who would believe and all the wrath towards sinners was absorbed in Jesus Christ. He goes into the ground and three days later God raises Him from the dead. The resurrection is the objective evidence that the Law has been fulfilled and that all of the wrath of God was spent. If there is no resurrection, we don’t know that the Law is fulfilled and we don’t know that the wrath is gone for those who would believe. But because of the resurrection, we have the objective evidence that both of those occurred. So that if we would believe and put our faith in Christ and Him alone as the forgiver of our sins and we would repent, we would have full life here on earth and eternal life in that perfect union with God. That’s the gospel.

Grace

Matt Chandler: We were in this class, it was something like, “The Theology of Marriage, Family & Sexuality.”
And in it there was a discussion with Lee, myself and eight other guys. And there was a thing that came up where those guys began to argue that they were virgins and therefore they weren’t going to marry anyone who wasn’t a virgin, because they had kept themselves pure and there was no way there were going to marry anyone who hadn’t done the same. The future ministers of God’s grace completely ignorant of God’s grace. So I remember sitting there going, “Okay, I’m confused.” Because there was this day that we were like, “You would save a sinner like me?” And now we’ve moved to, “I deserve more than that.”

Then I had to take a drama class; it was very painful for me. I’m creative, but I’m linear. And so “Be a tree” was just kind of weird for me, alright. But I had to take this drama class. My love language is sarcasm. And in that class was this girl named Kimberly who that gift was powerful with her. So I got to know her, and we just mocked the rest of the class the bulk of the time. She was 26, no church background, no relationship with Christ, she just lived in the area. At 26 she had already had a child, wasn’t married. So we would just laugh, and I would talk to her about my faith and really the difference between what the Bible said and what she was experiencing from a small Baptist campus. And a friend of mine named Robbie Seay was doing a concert in San Angelo, so I said, “Hey, hop in with my crew and check this thing out.” And so she hopped in the car and we got there. As soon as I got there, I was like, “Oh no.” It was a “True Love Waits” rally. Now I’m all about true love waiting, but I was just like, “This is probably the wrong venue to invite Kim to.” I’ve tried to work through this, but I still get very angry thinking about it. The guy starts his talk. Of course we didn’t use much of the Bible. Much of Evangelicalism just prooftexts. He takes this rose up and smells it and talks about how everybody loves the fragrance of the rose and how pretty it is. He throws his rose out into the crowd, and they’re passing it around and smelling it. While they’re doing that he’s going on about, “Venereal diseases are bad and they itch and you’ll need penicillin.” It’s fear-mongering really. As if you can scare kids into purity. Talk about the beauty of God’s design, not the dangers of venereal diseases. About 20 minutes into his talk, he’s like, “Where’s my rose?” And so this kid brings it up and the stem’s broken, the leaves are all jacked up, there’s like one petal left on it. He was like, “Who would want this? Who would want this rose? Would anyone want to put this and display this as yours?” And I just remember feeling, “I’ve got to physically harm him. I have got to rush the stage and choke him out, grab his microphone and correct this. This is wrong.” That’s what I felt welling up inside of me. The correct answer is, “Jesus does, you dummy.”



I'm so glad that God's grace completely overshadows us when we've lived such a sinful rebellious life...
When people, especially Christians, think that they deserve more than grace, its just becomes a sad affair.

Everybody who trusts in Christ is covered in grace. Why not show it for other people who have made mistakes?
Our God is a God of second chances who shows grace to the worst of us sinners...

Let us do the same.

Sadness on a Whole New Level.

things in this world can make me sad. a relative becoming sick, something i lose, or something bad happening can make me sad. but yesterday and today brought about sadness on a whole new level...for somebody else.

working at a living history museum, i see hundreds and hundreds of people, possibly a couple thousand, every single day. yesterday, a family walked in and bought tickets. seeing them go by broke my heart. they were by no means rich. the father was around 50 years old, average size, long strands of unkempt hair. his wife, a larger lady, was blind. there were 2 children. one was a pretty little girl who looked normal, but something was off about her. and the son was severely mentally handicapped and was in a special chair. he could not speak, only screaming and yelling out unintelligible phrases. we let them in at the price of one adult. all my coworkers felt so sorry. the father led his blind wife and 2 handicapped children to the orientation film. i was stationed down there right after they went in. the son was yelling in the theater, much to the discomfort of the other visitors. so the father took him out and said some unintelligible phrases to him to calm him down.

i could not bring myself to look at them because of the amount of sorrow i was feeling. this man must go through tremendous amounts of stress. i wondered if he could even work because of the condition of his family.

and then, they came back a second day in a row, and stayed most of the day. i think they enjoyed it very much. and i'm glad they could enjoy the 2 days together at my work, they definitely deserve it. they deserve a lot more too.

i give extreme respect to that man for taking care of his entire family when they cannot do anything for themselves.

but i still feel the sadness.

"Deduct a Point"

last night i had an epiphany. i didn't get it from the Bible or some Christian book. it actually came from a very secular movie. last night i watched "she's out of my league". me and my friend were watching it, and when it got to the scene where they were about to sleep together, but didn't, their conversation pretty much kicked me in the face.

in this movie, kirk, a 5, is a lowly tsa agent who is asked out by molly, a hard 10 on the hotness rating scale. he does not understand how such a perfect gorgeous girl would even go out with him. and in their break up conversation in that scene, i realized that i'm kirk.

people have told me i don't have any self-esteem in that area. and i've just been told that and told that over and over. until it no longer has much effect. but the way molly worded a few sentences, really sunk in deep to me. i'm just like kirk, and a guy. a lot of guys use a rating scale on themselves and girls...its just what we do. i consider myself MAYBE a 4 or 5. then molly said this...

"you know what? maybe you are a 5. you know why? no self esteem, deduct a point. every time someone walks into the room, you compare yourself to them. deduct a point. you’re a smart and talented guy, who’s afraid to do anything with it, deduct a point."

i couldn't believe what i heard. because i realized thats exactly what i am. every time someone walks in the room, i compare myself, and think that nothing ever could happen with me and them. deduct a point. basically when i see a gorgeous girl, i think to myself "there's no way in hell..". deduct a point. i have no self esteem in this area which is extremely sad. deduct a point. i don't know how i came to this point, and i don't know how to fix it, but i'm going to try my best to fix myself with God's help.

Not anxious to die sir, just anxious to matter.

as one pastor put it, "laying in bed at night is when most men lie awake and think. it drives us crazy." i've been living that statement almost every night of my life. lately i've begun to notice who i am as a person, and pondering my future. i despise the person i am, and do not see much in my future except being a work-a-holic to pay off loans the rest of my life. this is not who i want to be. i want to be proud of who i am, and want to have a good future. i know that God has plans for my future. maybe i'll be that guy with no family who's working and doing what God wants him to do. maybe i'll end up with a family. who knows. but i do know that i want to make something of my life.

as of today, i am going to be looking into the military option again. part of the reason i decided against it was because if i got married, i would not want to put my wife through a military life. and that's if i got married. i don't think i'll have a family, so my mind is starting to consider enlisting, possibly my last year of college or right after i graduate. if God does not want me there, He will put something in the way. but for now, i'm going to look into it. i plan on looking into intelligence, transport, and combat photography. we'll see how this goes. let's see what the future holds.

some people think i want to do this for the glory and medals. i only want to do it because my ancestors did it, and i feel that most american men should serve at one point or another. its not for the glory, its for the experience and the sense of pride knowing that i did my part. its not for the glory and glances from other people. im not anxious to die, just anxious to matter.

The Branches and Roots of the Tree.

over the past few years, i have discovered people in my family tree. being the military history buff that i am, i was quite pleased with the outcome. ill start from the bottom, actually, right above my picture.

my grandfather, winford strickland, i have never met. he was in the air force doing radar, and received several medals including the bronze star.

my great great uncle?..walter strickland fought in the normandy and rhineland campaigns in world war 2. he received the purple heart for wounds received in action at normandy. he also was captured and spent time in a german p.o.w. camp before returning to the states.

i am also related to johnny mercer, a famous songwriter and singer during the world war 2 era.

through his family, i am related to general george patton, one of the most famous american generals in world war 2.

also through johnny mercer, i am related to general hugh weedon mercer, who was a general in the civil war on the confederate side.

next down the mercer line is general hugh mercer, a revolutionary war general who was close friends with george washington. "While leading a vanguard of 350 soldiers, Mercer's brigade encountered two british regiments and a mounted unit. A fight broke out at an orchard grove and Mercer’s horse was shot from under him. Getting to his feet, he was quickly surrounded by British troops who mistook him for George Washington and ordered him to surrender. Outnumbered, he drew his saber and began an unequal contest. He was finally beaten to the ground, then bayoneted repeatedly - seven times - and left for dead. When he was discovered, Mercer was carried to the field hospital in the Thomas Clarke House at the eastern end of the battlefield. In spite of medical efforts by Benjamin Rush, Mercer was mortally wounded and died nine agonizing days later on January 12, 1777. Because of Mercer’s courage and sacrifice, Washington was able to proceed into Princeton and defeat the British forces there. He then moved and quartered his forces to Morristown in victory. Because of those victories, Washington's army reenlisted, the French finally approved arms and supplies to the Americans and a stunned Cornwallis pulled his forces back to New York to reassess the surprising American successes."

sir francis drake also fits into my family tree through my father's side. a renowned english sea captain, pirate, and politician who was knighted by elizabeth I.

and the last recognized person i am related to is the howland family who were some of the pilgrims that came over and helped found plymouth colony.

seeing these pictures made me proud of my ancestors, and also kind of makes me wish i could go back and talk to them. that would be the coolest thing, to talk to ancestors and find out what they were like.
i also wish with such a successful line of military leaders and servicemen, that i could carry on the tradition. maybe at some point in the future i can complete that...

Holding On.

i was skyping with a friend a few nights ago, and she mentioned something that i never really realized about myself. she asked about something, and i actually showed her what i was talking about. she then said that i am very sentimental. i knew this about myself in that fact that i just hold on to things that are given to me or said to me, but i never really told myself that im sentimental. but someone pointing it out to me made me realize it completely.

it is rather strange that a sentimental being can hold on to the simplest of things. things as simple as a valentines day card, a picture with some friends, a photo of a distant relative who served in WW2, or even text messages.

ive come to realize that most of the things that have enormous sentimental value to me were somebody else's. somebody else that i did not even know. for instance, just about everything in my military artifacts collection means something to me...but i did not know the owners of 95% of the artifacts that i have. yet they mean a lot to me. its a strange phenomena. the only other sentimental things that mean something to me are personal things that people have sent to me or said to me. these two areas, history and a few close friends, make up the extremely sentimental part of me. and i am thankful. thankful that i am this way, and at least care very much for a few things, instead of not passionately caring for anything.

i just like to hold on. hold on to alot of things that mean nothing to many people, but they mean the world to me.

The Face in the Reflection.

today at work, plimoth plantation, i was doing the theater. i basically just direct people into the theater if they want to see the orientation film, then press play, and go wait outside for 13 minutes. i did this for several hours and was very bored. when im bored, i pace. so i paced for awhile, then at one point during the day, i happened to look straight up at the large clock on the wall that was facing me.

i saw a face in the reflection of the glass front of the clock. the individual had an expressionless face, blue eyes, and dark brown hair, semi-styled the same as a young man from the 40's era would. it was the face of an individual that i did not know. i stared for several minutes then walked away. only to find myself coming back to it. i did this several times throughout the hour.

the face was my reflection, but it wasnt me. it made me realize that i dont know who i am. to give the typical Christian answer of "you're a child of God" would be hypocritical. im sure that even Christians sometimes feel themselves lost as can be, and not know who they are. this is how i feel. ive done nothing with my life so far, and have composed a fairy-tale in my head of how i want life to be. i am disgusted with both of those last statements. i want to find out who i am and live my life as an individual soul with meaning.

Lyrics of a Different Sort.

"Every Breath"-Boyce Avenue

i first heard this song a few days ago, it was a recommended music video on youtube, so i watched it. i loved it. the video was really good, and the words are incredible. then i listened to the words more closely.

one of the phrases caught my attention.

"the fairy-tale inside your head has become your new best friend"

i highly dislike to take things out of context, and i'm sure the song writer was meaning something else. but when i heard "fairy-tale inside your head", i realized that that's what i do. in my mind i overanalyze things, but i also have fairy-tales so to speak. i'm sure everybody does, but my thought pattern is different than most guys, probably. i have the perfect life all planned out in my head, a fairy-tale, but i know that its not going to work out that way. and it depresses me. the fairy tale inside my head has become my new best friend because its all i think about. but its also my worst enemy when i realize it most likely won't happen. i sometimes wish God didn't give us an unlimited imagination so that we could produce these fairy-tales inside our heads, because most often than not, it gives us false hope. i have never noticed until this week that these really are fairy-tales, and will not become reality. i'm pretty sure i know how it'll end. i'm fine with however my life turns out, but i just wish fairy-tales would come true.

i do not know what God has planned for me, but as for now, i plan on taking the road less traveled in my mind...the road i prefer not to have to travel. but with the realization that my mind is a fairy-tale, i'll have to start down this road, even though i wish not to.

the lyrics of that song helped me, even though i probably did not take the lyrics the way they were meant to be, they still changed me. lyrics of a different sort...

Beautiful Darkness.

The remnant of the sun, disappearing into the distance.
Hugging the distant trees and mountains.
The night slowly pushing in, the coldness chilling my skin.
The lone twinkling star, high above the orange and blue haze.
The feel of grass surrounding my feet,
the trees a black outline against the dimming horizon.
The day fades to night.
And now the stars come out in force, making the darkness beautiful.

Slave to Freedom.

Romans 6:14
Sin won’t be our master, because we’re not under the law, we’re under grace. Christ is in us, and is moving us towards perfection.

Romans 6:16
You will become a slave of whatever you obey. You are a slave to something. If you obey the desires of the world, then you are a slave to sin which leads to death. But if your longing and desire for God is what drives you, then you become a slave to righteousness which brings about freedom. Slaves to freedom.

God wants us to come towards Him.

So basically I'm writing this one because I want to admit something. Before second semester, I had a lot of lust issues and other issues. Specifically during high school and even first semester here. But I talked to one of my RAs, and I started getting into the Bible more. Specifically, some of the Matt Chandler sermons I was listening to really pushed me from a slave of the world to a slave of freedom. I had been a slave to these issues and to the world my whole life, and it sucked. It was the worst times for me emotionally and mentally, and eventually started affecting me physically to the point where I couldn't sleep. The worst time was when I got 3 hours of sleep in about 6 days. I was skipping classes and trying to sleep in the afternoon, but couldn't. I talked to my RA, and he asked if I had been looking at things I shouldn't have been. I had. We talked for awhile, and I realized I'm not the only guy in the world who struggles with this. I'd be surprised if a lot of guys didn't struggle with it. But I was a slave to it, and didn't want to be any longer. After that talk, I wanted to come clean.

It's been a struggle since then, about a month and a half ago. Every day is a struggle, its a struggle of the flesh. It's not entirely Satan's fault. Sure, he provides the temptation, but the flesh actually gives in to sin.

So now, its out there. I had only told 2 people about this. But tonight I told a best friend, and now I wrote about it so I'm not keeping my sin a secret.

I've pretty much been clean for a month and a week. Or something like that. I no longer wanted to be a slave to lust and the world, I want to be a slave of freedom. Of Jesus Christ.

"If you obey the desires of the world, then you are a slave to sin which leads to death. But if your longing and desire for God is what drives you, then you become a slave to righteousness which brings about freedom. Slaves to freedom." -Matt Chandler

ROTC-In the Company of Leaders

Liberty University_Fall 2009.

I've always had the desire to be in uniform of the greatest military on earth. I was planning on enlisting in the military in the summer of 2009 and put college on hold for awhile. God changed my plans, and told me not to enlist, but instead go to Liberty. So I did, but I joined the Army ROTC there to at least get a taste of the military. I became an ROTC cadet in August.

Cadets have 2 classes, the actual classroom class, where we do map reading and learn Army core values and tactics. The other class is a "lab" where we actually go out and put to practice what we've learned. We had a few classes in August, then came the equipment issue. I went to the supply room and me and 4 other guys met with the Sergeant who was handing out the equipment. We then received a pair of ACU pants, ACU jacket, 2 tan t-shirts, tan belt, ACU patrol cap, ACU cold-weather jacket, ACU Kevlar helmet, a pair of black wool socks, tan combat boots, a pair of black gloves, glove liners, rucksack, waterproof bag, wet weather top, LBEs (load bearing equipment) which included 2 canteens, compass and compass holder, and ammunition pouches, red lens flashlight, summer P.T. uniform, cold weather P.T. uniform, reflector belt, and a sleeping system, which included a mat for the ground, a sleeping bag, and an outer layer for the sleeping bag. Let's just say that carrying all this back to the dorm was more than challenging...

The first time I put on the Army uniform felt incredible. Knowing I was in the same uniform as our fighting men and women created a tremendous sense of honor, and pride. Putting on the American flag patch, the Leadership ROTC patch, the MS1 rank, and the U.S. Army patch on my uniform was more than humbling. We were to wear our uniforms on Thursdays, because thats the day we had lab. The first time I wore the uniform around campus felt so awesome. I wasn't feeling prideful, or wasn't trying to get girls with it, I just felt unique and special in it. Being a part of something bigger than myself, being in the company of men, of future warriors.

One of our first classes we got split up into platoons and squads. I was in 1st platoon, 1st squad, A-team. Bertz was the platoon leader I think. Munguia was my squad leader and Berkland was my team leader.

Then started P.T....
I was not a contracted cadet, so I was only required to attend P.T. on Wednesdays. Scholarship and contracted cadets must attend MWF. The first Army P.T. I went to was difficult. I live on South campus, and we did P.T. at the outdoor track near North Campus. There are no busses at 530 in the morning, so I had to get up even earlier to walk. We have hall meeting and prayer groups on Tuesday nights, and I didn't get to bed until 11:30 at the earliest. I had to get up at 5am, change into my P.T. uniform, grab some water and walk to the track. Alot of mornings it was chilly, even in September.

I get to P.T., sign the roster, and go stretch out. At precisely 0600 hours, we would get in formation on the track, then arms up, and spread out. We stretched the muscles, did pushups, flutter kicks, and so on. We would then usually do a few laps around the track, and other drills. This would go on until 0700 hours, where we would get back in formation, and then dismiss. Once in a while, we did a company run around the track. We would form ranks within our platoon and start running in sync, to the chant of Army cadences. I soon experienced my first Army P.T. test. I failed all 3 events. But I learned something during the 2 mile run. It was 8 laps around the outdoor track. On the last lap, my lungs were shutting down, and I was about to quit. But a guy in my squad, my squad leader, and my best friend from high school (also in ROTC) were already finished with their run, but joined me on my last lap and pushed me and encouraged me so I didn't quit. That's when I learned that being in this organization was a one of a kind thing. Even though we are cadets in our first year of college, we already began a bond...the band of brothers bond.

Lab on Thursdays were pretty cool. We were doing alot of land navigation in the Tuesday classes, so we put that to practice. The ROTC cadets would get driven up to Camp Hydeaway, in the Chandler Mountain area. It was a nice place with grassy fields, a lake, and trials throughout the woods and mountains. We would be given coordinates and a map and compass, and pair up with another cadet and go find them. The first time I did land nav, I ended up with Lauren Hathaway. We went off and could not find any points. We ended up hiking halfway up Chandler's mountain. It was fun though. Other time at Camp Hydeaway included marching drills, and drill formations, with dummy M-16s. We also had a promotion ceremony there for Captain Donahue, then promoted to Major Donahue.

In September we also had the Combat Water Survival Test at the pool on North Campus. We got there around 0545. There were several stations. I first went to the one where we had LBEs on, and we had to fall in the pool backwards and take off the equipment before reaching the surface. The next station included walking off the diving board, blindfolded, holding an M16 out in front. The next station we had to tread across the water holding the M16 above our heads, out of the water. Its alot harder than it looks. Having not been in a pool in like 5 years, I went under several times. The last station was we learned how to make flotation devices using ACU pants and jackets. Quite interesting.

We also had several opportunities to see Lt. Col. Leroux. Liberty's Army ROTC program is under UVA's ROTC umbrella program. Leroux is the head officer over both ROTCs. He came to P.T. several times, and also taught one of our classes. He served on General Petreaus' staff during the war in Iraq, he was an Apache attack helicopter pilot. He was a very respectable officer. So was Major Morris. He taught my class on Tuesday's. Morris and Leroux are the two best officers I've ever met. Morris was just the coolest guy. He knew was he was talking about, but also cared about the cadets.

The end of September brought about the Fall FTX (Field-Training-Exercises). We would be going to Fort Pickett, Virginia for Friday evening through Sunday morning. We went to the indoor soccer fields on North to go through all of our equipment in preparation for the weekend. We jam packed our rucksacks. On top of all of our equipment and extra clothing and uniforms, we were also given 5 MREs each. MREs are Meals-Ready-to-Eat. The military's version of food. We left on Friday afternoon in coach busses on a 2 hour journey to Fort Pickett. I'm not gonna lie, I was kinda of nervous about the weekend. Getting on base, we passed a motor pool of military vehicles, saw ranges, and other military stuff. We got there by dinner time and unloaded all our equipment in a field. We had some down time, as we were waiting for UVA Army ROTC cadets to meet us there. We broke out our MREs and had our first meal in the field. After alot of waiting around, UVA cadets arrived and we went to the woods to set up shelter. My team leader was Robby Gartner. A-team leader...Hooah! Haha. Me and Jonathan Pfenninger got a tarp, so we set up a simple tent between 2 trees and put our equipment under it. Then we had an evening of night land nav, and other fun stuff. The first thing my squad did was night land nav, which was a nightmare. We were ill supplied, and me and Pfenninger were paired up, and we had one light, but it wasn't red lens. We didn't find any points, and almost fell into a ravine. Other cadets as well as me and Jonathan had to jump it to get back. We got back then went to the night vision station. We were instructed on the use of the Army's night vision goggles, and got to use them. We also used the infrared option on the goggles. The cool part was we got to go into the woods a little bit using the night vision. It was insane. Then they played hide and seek with them. The last station was an NCO instructed us on proper shelter and survival stuff. Then we went to bed around midnight. We had to get up at 0515. That night sleeping on the ground outside was miserable. Our sleeping bags were so hot, and the tarp held in the body heat, so me and Jonathan were sweating hardcore. I also have a huge fear of spiders and bugs...and they were crawling all over the ground that night. Needless to say, I barely got any sleep. Morning chow was at 0545 I think. It wasn't an MRE, but rather hot food just prepared by the NCOs and upper level cadets. We sat on a concrete bridge and ate chow together in the headlights of the vehicles. That day was full of events.

We went back to our shelters and cleaned up the area, and put all our equipment under the shelter, so it wouldn't get wet. We then marched in formation to another area of Fort Pickett. All the platoons went to different stations. We were supposed to go up in a Chinook helicopter, but the weather was bad, so we were not able to. :( We also could not do the rappelling tower either. So we had to do different stations. 1st and 2nd platoon, (I was in first) did attack formation practice with dummy M16s. Flowers led this station. We did wedge formations and such. Spotting an enemy, calling it out, one squad going online, and the other coming up in support. After awhile of this, we went to a small building on the edge of the field. In it were tables set up with laptop computers and headsets. We got to use a brand new Army simulator that wasn't fielded yet. We did training on it, then did squad versus squad attacks. It was pretty sweet. Then, our next station was the grenades. We learned how to properly throw grenades, then did the course. Me and Pfenninger were Battle Buddies that weekend, so we obviously were paired up together. We did buddy rush up to the log that was our cover. Then threw our dummy grenades at the target, which was a machine gun emplacement in the field. Both got direct hits. Our next target was a machine gun bunker hidden in the woods. We crawled and rushed towards it, we flanked it, and Jonathan threw his grenade in and took it out. The last one was a slit trench on the other side of the road. We ducked behind cover at the trees on the opposite side of the road, and tossed the grenades up and got them in the trench.

Next, was the obstacle course. There wasn't much time left, so we just did the first one. The goal was to climb up the ropes, get across the separated beams that were about 20 feet above the ground, climb up a wood ladder, then climb down about 50 feet on a net ladder. I am extremely afraid of heights, and got sick going up the ladder to the very top. No safety equipment, just an MS4 cadet at the top to instruct me. Luke Flowers (Iraq vet) was on the ground, and he encouraged me. That's what got me over the top. I got to the top, and looked down and almost threw up. But I slowly got down the net ladder. It was definitely an accomplishment for me. Thanks to Flowers and the other guys who encouraged me.

We had a quick lunch, then went to do land nav for the afternoon. Cadets were paired up, then went to be briefed by one of the MS4s. We were given maps, coordinates, and we already had out compasses. I was with Patrick Flesher, who is actually 2 doors down from me in my dorm. Patrick and I plotted our points, then set off. It was raining during this whole time. The amount of land we had to cover to find points was pretty large. We had 2 hours I think, to find points and get back. It took us over a half hour to get from one side of the map to the other. We had to go across a dam, through woods, down and up large hills, and we only found one point I think. The cool part though was that officers and senior cadets were patrolling the roads in vans, handing out jolly ranchers to us. It was awesome. Haha. We had about a half hour left, when Patrick's knee went out. It had been hurting that day, and he couldn't go any further. So we stopped, and some cadets were on their way back, talked to us, then went back to the rendezvous point and told the officers. They came out with a van and picked him up. I then headed back with Jonathan, who linked up with me on the way back. We got back, then had a dinner in the rain. Mine was cold Mexican beans and rice. Then we changed our socks out, and took care of our feet. It's really important in the field environment.

After dinner, I forget what we did. Sad.

Soon, it came time for night land nav. Me and Pfenninger were together on this. We still had only one light between us, but we plotted our points and set off. It's so confusing at night to try to find small signs in the middle of fields and woods. It's alot more difficult than people think. We found one point, but could not find any more. At all. We still had an hour to kill, so we went to find somewhere to just sit. We found woods with a clearing. While going to the clearing, we saw 2 other cadets back to back doing the same thing...they'd given up too. It was amusing though. When the time came, we went back. For some reason, the higher ups decided to move us to barracks for the night...thank God. So, we had to go pack up our equipment and shelters, and put them in vans to be transported to the barracks. Then, we got in formation, and marched about 2 miles to the barracks, while singing cadences...in pouring rain. It was miserable, but fun. We arrived at the barracks around 1230 at night, soaking wet. But, showers were waiting along with a bed. The barracks were pretty crappy, but probably all barracks are like that. Then we found out that we had to be out in formation by 0500. This also meant that all of our rucksacks and equipment had to be packed, and the barracks had to be cleaned. My floor decided to get up at 0430. So basically we had 4 hours of sleep. The early early morning came...we were exhausted. We cleaned up and went outside with our gear. Got in formation..and surprise surprise..waited. For like an hours. Finally got a bag breakfast...which was actually good. It came with a donut type treat, cereal, a drink, and an apple. Delicious, especially coming off of MREs. We then got packed into vans and transported to the LRC..Leadership Reaction Course. It was about 10 minutes away from barracks, and we pretty much all fell asleep. You learn to appreciate sleep being in this type of environment. We got there and put on our Kevlar helmets and gloves. The LRC is different stations where you have to work together as a squad, led by a leader, and come up with a solution to conquer a problem. Some of the pics in this blog show what it is. Most of the stations were over dirty pools of water. Which made it more fun. Most of the time, we had to take off our belts and use them as rope to support beams of wood to get across water and such. It surprised me as to the ingenuity that college students come up with. Some of the things we did was amazing. The best one we did was a mock minefield, and we had to use pieces of wood to get all personnel and equipment across. We put a helmet on the ground and put one end of the board on it and stretched the board to a piece of concrete in the middle. We somehow got everyone across, and lifted the board with the helmet tied to it back to our side. An officer came over and congratulated us, because our squad was the first to complete it within the time frame. Finally, it was about 1130am Sunday morning, and we got the call to final formation. We formed up by the American flag in the field, and some of the officers addressed us, then gave out awards for the weekend. We then packed up in the busses, and took the trip home. Me, Pfenninger, and Stvan were in the back seat and all of us fell asleep soon. I'm pretty sure everyone did. So ended FTX...

The next lab, we had Captain Donahue's promotion ceremony on the field at Camp Hydeaway. He was promoted to Major. It was nice to witness that.

I soon withdrew from the lab class, as I felt that God was not calling me to the military. But I still continued the actual class. It is now second semester, and I am no longer in Army ROTC. But, I do not regret for one minute the experiences that I had, or the friends that I made being in Army ROTC. I learned to push myself, try new things, and learn what its like to be in America's military. I got to be in the same uniform as heroes. I was in the company of leaders and men.

Liberty University 09-10

This year I became a Liberty University student. Being here at the largest Christian University in the world has changed my life. I've become friends with some of the best men and women. Friends that I hope to have forever.

Liberty is definitely unique, unique students, unique professors, unique campus and unique aura. I was not expecting much when I got here, other than a cool campus and some of my friends that were coming here with me as well. That all changed the first week I was in my dorm. The leadership here on my hall is amazing. My RAs are incredible, as well as the SLDs and PLs. My prayer leader this year was Seth, and our prayer group was awesome. The leadership has incredibly inspired my spiritual life.

I'll just give a quick rundown of my first semester. Fall 2009 semester was pretty interesting. I took U.S. History 221 class with Professor Melton, and he made history so much MORE fun for me. I can't wait to take him for my upper level history classes. (I'm a history major). I was also involved in Army ROTC my first semester, just to get a taste of the military, because I've always loved it and wanted to be in it. I'll post a separate blog about my ROTC experience later. But it was awesome. I also made some great friends, like Amy, Britta, Cara, Nicole, Brielle, and Bryan. And I can't forget my Jewish roommates, Brett and Bryan. They're...amazing. To say the least. Also became friends with some of the guys on my hall. My first semester of college included All night of Prayer, football games, drama, classes, swine flu, Christmas Coffeehouse and fun times hanging out with people.

All in all, first semester was okay.

Spring semester of 2010 was better. :)

I became much closer with the guys on my hall, like Dan, Kyle, Andrew, Brandon, and some of the leadership. I also became good friends with Andrea, who hates my Pomeranian, and her roommate Ruth. Also have a better love/hate relationship with Amy...hahaha. This semester is almost over, but it was so much more fun. Me, Andrew, and Kyle were in Math 110 together, and quite frankly were not the best behaved in the class. That's what she said jokes, as well as alot of talking were always distracting us. All 3 of us withdrew by April. My favorite class this year was by far, Evangelism 101 with Dr. Wheeler. Wheeler is probably the most influential/most kind guy I've ever met. His class was so insightful, and interesting. GNED 102 with Van Engen was also alot of fun. Other things I did during this semester was I went to my prayer leaders house for a weekend, with him and Josh, who's also in my prayer group. That was so much fun. I also saw Dear John with Cara, amazing movie. Our hall did an April Fool's prank on the RAs, by putting a set of clothes in our beds and chairs and hiding on the second floor stairwell, to make it look like the rapture happened. We got a REP email from the conduct affairs office for curfew violation, but didn't actually get the reps. Spring also brought about the spring coffeehouse, which was pretty funny. I also saw Sherlock Holmes last night at the movie feature at the Vines Center with Andrea. She fell asleep, but I watched the whole thing and loved it! Invictus was on next, and it was boring as crap. But still fun. Also, since I'm re-writing this blog, I will include my incredible birthday this year..thanks to Andrea! Watched the Sound of Music, and she painted me a picture! And I can't forget all the nights after that...some funny and cool stuff. (Tripping over tree roots and grass) The last few weeks of second semester have been the best!

As far as the spiritual level goes here at LU, its so incredible. Campus church and other things like communion and the night of prayer show me that our young generation still has strong Christians that are champions for Christ. The worship and spiritual life of the students here are so much more real than what I've seen at churches and the Christian schools I went to. I just hope that Liberty will continue this amazing trek, and keep doing the awesome job it's doing now.