"Deduct a Point"

last night i had an epiphany. i didn't get it from the Bible or some Christian book. it actually came from a very secular movie. last night i watched "she's out of my league". me and my friend were watching it, and when it got to the scene where they were about to sleep together, but didn't, their conversation pretty much kicked me in the face.

in this movie, kirk, a 5, is a lowly tsa agent who is asked out by molly, a hard 10 on the hotness rating scale. he does not understand how such a perfect gorgeous girl would even go out with him. and in their break up conversation in that scene, i realized that i'm kirk.

people have told me i don't have any self-esteem in that area. and i've just been told that and told that over and over. until it no longer has much effect. but the way molly worded a few sentences, really sunk in deep to me. i'm just like kirk, and a guy. a lot of guys use a rating scale on themselves and girls...its just what we do. i consider myself MAYBE a 4 or 5. then molly said this...

"you know what? maybe you are a 5. you know why? no self esteem, deduct a point. every time someone walks into the room, you compare yourself to them. deduct a point. you’re a smart and talented guy, who’s afraid to do anything with it, deduct a point."

i couldn't believe what i heard. because i realized thats exactly what i am. every time someone walks in the room, i compare myself, and think that nothing ever could happen with me and them. deduct a point. basically when i see a gorgeous girl, i think to myself "there's no way in hell..". deduct a point. i have no self esteem in this area which is extremely sad. deduct a point. i don't know how i came to this point, and i don't know how to fix it, but i'm going to try my best to fix myself with God's help.