as one pastor put it, "laying in bed at night is when most men lie awake and think. it drives us crazy." i've been living that statement almost every night of my life. lately i've begun to notice who i am as a person, and pondering my future. i despise the person i am, and do not see much in my future except being a work-a-holic to pay off loans the rest of my life. this is not who i want to be. i want to be proud of who i am, and want to have a good future. i know that God has plans for my future. maybe i'll be that guy with no family who's working and doing what God wants him to do. maybe i'll end up with a family. who knows. but i do know that i want to make something of my life.
as of today, i am going to be looking into the military option again. part of the reason i decided against it was because if i got married, i would not want to put my wife through a military life. and that's if i got married. i don't think i'll have a family, so my mind is starting to consider enlisting, possibly my last year of college or right after i graduate. if God does not want me there, He will put something in the way. but for now, i'm going to look into it. i plan on looking into intelligence, transport, and combat photography. we'll see how this goes. let's see what the future holds.
some people think i want to do this for the glory and medals. i only want to do it because my ancestors did it, and i feel that most american men should serve at one point or another. its not for the glory, its for the experience and the sense of pride knowing that i did my part. its not for the glory and glances from other people. im not anxious to die, just anxious to matter.
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